Don't ask me why, but the Woman in my house went on a strike after reading my last post about the monospouse. Which is why i haven't been on for a while. She took my computer and hid it in a closet where i couldn't reach for it. The Man in the house said that i asked for it and that i should apologize to her.
Hmmm... Does she apologize for her behavior? My point, exactly.
Anyway, i managed to give her cuddles and she finally let me sleep in the big bed with her. The Woman is desperate for some attention...
By the way, it's the Woman birthday today. She's 45 - the new 30, according to a Twitter friend - and besides being a lil wrinkled, she's not bad for an old lady. She uses the flat iron to smooth the wrinkles - great tool, really.
The Man and i were talking about her gift the other day and i suggested a muzzle. I thought it was a pretty good idea since the Woman needs to be tamed and honestly, it's the next best thing. After a gift certificate for free spaying. The Man said it was a really bad idea, saying that we both wouldn't get our treats for at least six month. Not that i care for his treats, but mine... so we settled for a Kindle. Keeping her busy reading would give us some room to breathe.
On a more funny note, spring is finally here. The skunk said so. Not the groundhog. The skunk. Believe it or not, we now have a famous skunk here in Quebec telling us when to look for daffodils and tulips. Heard that on the news this morning. Things you learn listening to the radio, so useful...
Looking out the window, i knew i shouldn't trust the animal that had the nerve to pee in my face last year. (For your information, tomato juice doesn't work. Nor does vanilla extract or whatever your vet tells you to try). So, like i said, never believe a skunk telling you that spring is here. It just wants to play nice to get out from under the patio and wet you all over...
The Woman and the Man are going out tonight for her birthday. Of course, i'm not invited. Said that i couldn't go because i might get crazy with the all-you-can-eat...
I'm back, after a much needed break. Not that i needed one but my mum did. Badly.
The woman is strong. No kidding. But lately, she's been acting like a blind cranky old bitch.
It all began a few weeks ago, when she started wearing pieces of glass in front of her eyes that made her look like an old owl realizing that she was about to hit the only tree standing in an open field. The glass thing wasn't so bad but the eyes, the eyes!!!
If that wasn't scary enough, she also started to take showers in the middle of the night. Did she roll in mud or fox poop or whatever humans roll in at 2 in the morning for fun? Nope. She was just "hot". I mean, I've been hot before and frankly, nothing to fuss about, right? After the forth shower, I told the woman to just stick her tongue out and breathe. Works for me.
She listened to me - always does - and a few minutes later, she ended up with a brown paper bag in her face...
Of course, dad, chevaleresque as usual, asked if he could do something for her, is she needed help or... OH DOG!!! Did he get it!!! She snapped at him, just like that! Bit him hard, fangs out and razor sharp as a wolf! And she did not look like Bella! Dad and I both ran for our lives, me under the bed and him taking cover in the basement. He was safe all right, she never goes down there, "man cave" she says.
So,... we let her destroy a couple of plates and throw a few books before risking back in the kitchen, where we found her sobbing like a puppy poodle. Between two hiccups, she managed to mumble that she was "monospouse"...
(scratching my ears)
Ok, the woman is the only one in my dad's life - that i know of and my nose never failed me - so why being the mono-spouse seems to be the most horrifying thing? Shouldn't she be happy about that instead? I mean, dad is not like this neighbor dog of mine who pleases bitches in the village every month so, what's the big deal?
Anyway, this week, i learned one very important thing about the woman.
Heard she was turning 45 next week (not that I care, really...) so, if I want to stay alive, better ignore her...
Anipals, if you have a "monospouse" woman in your house, please be careful!
I may not look like it - a diva always has to look good no matter what! - but i'm exausted! That's why i haven't been around so much lately.
Did you miss me?... Of course you did!
I had a great chat last night with two friends on Twitter, one about training a rottie and the other about blogging. One thing leading to another, i thought that it would be a good idea if i wrote about these specific topics.
I won't cover the subject of blogging in just one post because there is a lot to say about it. Am i experienced enough to talk about it? I may not be a pro blogger but, for your information, i've been doing it for 2 years now. I started on my pawrents's blog before having my own blog. I wrote my posts in french, which is my mother tongue.
What is blogging anyway? In my modest opinion, blogging is simply writing about you or about a subject that matters to you. You try to build a community of followers that will come back often and interact with you.
What makes a blog a great blog worth reading? It has to be different. You have to find your niche and stick with it. You're funny? Be funny in your posts. You are curious and want to share your discoveries with your readers? Be informative. You want to share your life? Do it like if you were talking nose to nose with a friend. Because your readers become your friends.
There are many many blogs out there in the blogosphere so you really have to find a way to stand out. And remember this... It will take time. You won't become a star overnight. You might blog for 2 months before having any comments on your posts!
Another tip. Be consistent. Write regularly. Have a schedule for your posts or at least, try to write 2-3 posts per week. Why? First of all, to build your community. If they like what you write, they will come back often to see what's new on your blog. Don't keep them waiting for too long or they will leave. Second, it will help your blog to be found by the search engines. That may sound like chinese to you, but search engines are, to make it simple, the lil robots working for Google. If you post regularly, your blog will be recognize and it will be easier to find it on the web. Also, it will help you get better ratings, which can be important if you want to monetize your work. I'll talk about it later.
So, first thing first.
You want to blog?
Find your niche
Find a title that readers will remember
Get on social medias to start building a community
I listen to the radio a lot - mum turns it on when she leaves for work and, to be honest with you, we only have 4 channels on tv so no need to watch it - and i kind of educated myself by listening to the news and other radio shows.
What i've learned so far?
Sport is way more important than politics or economy. So is gossip. I mean, some humans gossip so much about others that i suspect their lives to be very boring. When you've got no bone to chew on, you chew on someone else's...
Social recognition seems to be very important too. Who has the bigger toy, the shinier one, the most expensive one? I mean, my toy squeaks, it smells, it's all worn out but i like it the way it is. What's the point in having a fancy toy just to impress my furiends? The outcome of this bragging would be jealousy, that's all...
One other thing i learned while listening to the radio is that humans tend to discriminate a lot. That is very disturbing, considering the fact that discrimination now exist in our doggie world... Which makes me wonder if we, dogs, could blame the humans for it. I mean, in the wild, there is no such thing. We know our places, we know who's the alpha, we obey to our leader, we respect the elderly and we help our young puppies. The moment humans decided to welcome us in their homes, things changed. This breed suddenly became more important or more popular than this one. With no respect for older dogs, humans started to end their lives because they were not worthy of living anymore. Same with undesirable puppies.
Oh, right, humans do that to their own too...
Another thing i've learned is that humans like it when it's perfect, flawless. How can it be?? My furiends come in different sizes and shapes and colors. Some are fat, some are skinny. Some of them are blind and others have lost their teeth. So what? But for humans, perfection is the Holy Grail - whatever that is. It seems to be their life's goal. My goal in life is to be taken care of, to be loved, to be fed, to be happy. Shouldn't that be enough, even for humans?
I could go on and on, but i think you get my point. Humans are really fascinating... And what is the most fascinating thing about them is that they really think they know everything! And if they don't, they make up stories to hide their lack of knowledge.
If only i could talk, i would tell dad that aliens do exist...